Sunday, October 21, 2007

On Being Alone

I did something today that I haven't done in 20 years. I went outside to the furniture on our deck and I took a nap in the sunlight. It was a nice 72 degrees with a breeze and clear skies. It was very nice.

At the same time it was very lonely. Things are still somewhat up in the air with many people at church, so after the service was over...I just felt very much like an outsider. So I opted to just go home and take a nap. I did really enjoy the nap in the sun. It was peaceful.

But at the same time I realized that when I was young, I had lived in the country about 6 miles from any friend that I had in high-school. My nearest sibling was 6 years younger than me too. So, I spent a huge amount of my time alone. In the summer I would walk through the woods near our house, and in the winter I would make forts in the snow. Otherwise I stayed in my room a lot listening to music, or I played video games. Either way...at the time it never occurred to me that my life was any different than anyone else's.

When things appear normal to you, it doesn't then occur to you to question it. It is only by comparison that we realize things about our own lives. This simple lesson is one that many people never understand.

I now realize that I was alone all the time. And now I don't really like that feeling in comparison to being around people. Some people grew up around people most of the time, so, they like bits of alone time. But either upbringing, it is still not a good things to separate yourself from people as a practice for lengthy time periods. I've been convinced that we are social creatures, and need others.

That is not being needy...nor it is being co-dependent. It is too bad that people don't often understand that either. Wanting to be with your friends is not a bad thing. It shouldn't be made into a problem.